Everything Happens for a Reason
In my life since Molly died, I have been offered more advice, counsel, suggestions, support and sometimes criticism than I ever knew existed. I must say I am for the most part extremely grateful. There are times, however, when the words offered in the spirit of love are as sharp as the loss of Molly. […]
The Screen Porch
I love screened in porches. Good morning world! As a child I remember a friend of mine had what was called a sleeping porch at her house. This was a second floor screened in porch with beds on it. Her family slept out there all summer. On those hot humid nights where the inside of […]
Where and What Exactly, is Motherland?
I knew for a long time that I wanted to write a book. The first time it came to mind was about 30 years ago. I have always lived a life full of crazy experiences, from triumph to tragedy and all of the unbelievable stuff in between. Several years before Molly died my friend Deb […]
The Body in Which We Live
One of the things I love about CrossFit, especially as it relates to women, is the fact that there is really no “ideal” body for excelling at the sport, or with being successful in the gym at any level. The concept of constantly varied in the description of CrossFit and its philosophy opens the doors […]
Twenty Years of RB (and Molly)
The muggy weather has returned and my mood has lifted considerably. While I truly enjoy the fall weather here in New England, I feel strongly that said weather should refrain from making an appearance until October. Needing a sweater for my morning coffee on the porch in August is just wrong. I am writing this […]
It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times — Charles Dickens
The Bill Luti Race was a week ago today as I write this blog. I am on my porch using some Jack-Free time to catch up on the ever-growing list of things I have the opportunity to do. (I am using more positive language to re-frame my daily life). Along with the road race last […]
Is This Really Broadway?
We drove to New York City on Sunday. This in and of itself is no big deal, I have driven to NYC many times. I have gone there to see my larger-than-life billboard in Madison Square. I have gone there to deliver cats to JFK airport. I have run track and cross-country meets there. I […]
Aggie and Me on the 4th of July
It is the fourth of July. I have timed road races on this particular holiday for most of my adult life. In small towns like Bradford New Hampshire to Gillette Stadium in Foxboro Massachusetts. When Molly died this became one of several things I stopped doing. It was simply too difficult to manage. I have […]
Too Busy to Think
I am on my porch. It is a sunny muggy Sunday evening. Track Camp should be over. This next week of rain should be permission for me to stay inside and re-do my office. This is not my reality right now. I have another week of camp. I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I am […]
What’s Age Got To Do With It?
In my younger years I coached three seasons of high school running. I easily spent 20 hours a week with teen aged girls. I knew all the songs and all the popular TV shows. I was also infused with their energy and zest for life. My twenty years as CHS Girls XC Coach were wonderful. […]
Jack Makes His Debut
I recently had a podcast interview with a mother who has (like me) suffered the loss of a child. Also like me, she is living with this reality in her best possible way. It can be so refreshing to talk with someone about grief. Not too many folks are comfortable with the subject. Death makes […]
MollyB The Musical
When Molly died, one of the first challenges was how to recognize her life. How to present her to all of her elementary and middle school aged friends. As Kenny and I stood on either side of her, surrounded by visitors on that Thursday night in early May, we decided a show was the way […]
When No One Comes to the Party
This has been a tough week. Molly’s death week anniversary, the changes in how we recognize this time period, and my expectations of how others in my life should take part took a larger toll this year than last. I always feel like if I don’t organize everything and make sure it happens then it […]
Two Years, a Moment, and a Lifetime
They are now bookends. The beginning and the end of their life together and their life in theater. The bottom pictures were taken in May of 2015. Although Molly was on life support for seven days in May, she was already gone. The only actual Molly pictures for the month of May stop in 2015. […]
The Time Is Now
Physical movement is a common symptom, by-product and/or coping mechanism for a variety of conditions. Anxiety can produce nail biting, fear causes an increase in heartrate and handwringing, people who experience joy often jump up and down with glee. Trauma is no different. Movement and the compulsive need to move is a common by-product of […]
Marathon Monday 2013 A Reposting
It is 2:50 p.m. as I begin this…precisely the moment just 24 hours ago that the Boston Marathon was changed forever. I have written my thoughts down in my head all day, talking to myself out loud in the car, crying quietly, trying to wrap my head around what happened and what sort of person […]
Sister Sister
When National Siblings Day rolls around my heart strings get pulled a bit. I have always wondered how “only children” feel. They grow up without compatriots with whom they could share childhood escapades and experiences. It is why I had Molly. I wanted Gracie to have someone to share Santa and school, toys and movies, […]
A Birthday Celebration
Molly would be twenty years old now of she had not died at age 13. Her birthday is always difficult because I am reminded that all the things I thought would happen the day I gave birth to her that are no longer possible. As happy as that day was, at the time, it is […]
The Consummate Patient Tells Her Story
I love to talk. It is one of my favorite things to do. As a child I was in trouble for this all the time. I grew up in the era of little girls should be seen and not heard. I had a hard time living with that societal standard. Not only did I like […]
Jack’s Arrival
As you read this, Jack Jack is turning two. I am not sure how this happened but here we are, two years after he made his early arrival. I remember it all too well! (Taylor Swift reference here). Throughout the entire “creation of Jack” process I had been able to maintain quality detachment. I was […]