A THOUSAND TINY STEPS

Memorial/Hero Workouts are at the Heart of CrossFit

CrossFit Amesbury, Amoskeag CrossFit, Battle CrossFit, Breathe CrossFit, Ever Proven CrossFit, CrossFit Route 1a, White Mountain CrossFit

When Molly was nine years old and still rather pudgy, she completed a hero workout with me on Veteran’s Day. I scaled it for her and explained what hero workouts were and why we did them. That the movements in them represented both the characteristics of the fallen and the qualities they wanted to share. […]

Sometimes You Have To Break It To Fix It

Barb's bulldozed front yard

I just recorded a podcast episode that was inspired by a bulldozer decimating my yard.  They say that life imitates art, or perhaps art imitates life, (and I am not sure who “they” might be) and while a bulldozed yard is far from artistic, it is, on some level, beautiful. In 2007 or so I […]

“It’s Me! Hi! I’m The Problem It’s Me!” – Taylor Swift

Barb posting "Queen is 60 today"

So, it’s Monday April 22nd as I write this. Why is this the opening line of this week’s blog? Well, because there is no last week’s blog.  I am famous for this. (What might “this” be?) Ok, here goes.  I start something. Or I set a goal. Or I make a priorities list of what […]

The “Art” of Remembering

Arthur Ellison

I went to a funeral today.  More of a celebration of life actually, there was no eulogy or religious internment, no casket or urn. There were a lot of pictures, people, food and conversation. A little music and so very many stories. There were a multitude of tears. I met Art Ellison in my first […]

How The Snowy Reality of Spring in New Hampshire is a Metaphor for Life

Snow in March covering car in an un-shoveled driveway

I’m having a pretty rough day today.  One element of being an adult survivor of child abuse is being easily triggered by seemingly non-traumatic events. These can be news clips, smells, songs, current events, terminology, and behaviors to name a few. Politics can be a major trigger.  I have many.  Victim shamers would say to […]

My Summers With ML

Maggie and I in 1981. ML right around age 100.

Time is funny. Not funny haha, rather, funny quirky. On the inside I feel the same as I have always felt when it comes to how I feel inside my skin. When I picture myself, I look like I did in my thirties. Aging for sure, but thin. My posture is good. My skin smooth. […]

March

Mollie and Gracie on stage. Gracie with newborn Jack.

And so…we March along…on a path we did not choose…to a destination we know too well. It is March. A month I have always loved. It bridges the darkness of winter with the lightness of spring. February with its snow to April with its rain. In some my former lives it brought respite from anxiety. […]

Sing Sing Sing!

Molly and Gracie in their Sing Sing Sing costumes with Mommy

I have always loved music. Singing, playing the violin and piano in my youth, and dancing. Tap jazz and ballet for me. I loved performing in musicals as well. Oliver, The Pirates of Penzance, Trial By Jury and Mary Poppins are the musicals I have performed in, I have seen many more. I always loved […]

Heading into Month Two of Year Twelve

Barb holding application for first school board term

Tuesday is podcast release day. I often record them weeks in advance, as a matter of fact I have episodes recorded for the next four Tuesdays! But todays is quite relevant to “real time”. It describes a tough Friday I had.  I may be a bit too honest. A good amount of content refers to […]

Year Twelve and I’m Not “Board” Yet!

Barb standing with sign running for school board in 2011

There are many things I have learned in my four terms on the Concord School Board. Some of them have definitely made my life better, richer, and more knowledge-filled, and others have opened my eyes to all that is wrong in the political realm. While school boards should not be political tools, they are, sadly, […]

Elaine

Painting of sunflowers

Elaine died December 5th. Like many things I learn, I came to know of this on Facebook. It was one of those posts that stopped me in my tracks. I sat down on the sofa and stayed perfectly still for quite a while.  Staying perfectly still is a defense mechanism for me. My physical stillness […]

Let’s Trip the Light Fantastic

Mommy, Gracie, Jack at the Sandy Hill Farm Winter Wonder Light Show in Eliot Maine.

I remember when the calendar turned from 2016 to 2017.  In the aftermath of Molly’s sudden death holding on to 2016, a year during which she was alive, gave us the possibility that Molly somehow still existed, that she would come back. As difficult as 2016 is to remember, 2017 cuts deep.  Those first three […]

Have Yourself A What?

Barb's tree, Jack decorating tree, Barb with Jack and Gracie in front of tree

Alas December is flying by. Part of me loves this. I am not a fan of this month. There are few months, actually that I am a fan of but December can hit hard. The cold, dark reality of life in New England along with the intense pressure to be happy. I will take a […]

30 Days of “Do I Have To?”

graphic says "30 days of -no- thanks"

I used to participate in the traditional Thirty Days of Thanks each year.  It made me feel good, I spent a portion of each day thinking about things for which I felt gratitude. Of course, this ended up being an “always happy somewhat repetitive” list. Don’t get me wrong, being grateful for all that we […]

If These Walls Could Talk

Things found when the walls came down for our kitchen reno like two hats, a newspaper from 1935, a pocket knife and some other small items

In preparing for a complete kitchen renovation, I knew that we would find treasure as the walls came down. That is the nature of old houses. Things make their way into walls and/or are put there to be found, like a time capsule. There are lots of loud noises that accompany construction. Hammers pounding, saws […]

Remembering Rusty

Rusty and I sitting at a table in 2015 at an Indoor Track Meet at UNH

Rusty died this week. As I age, and an ever-increasing number of co-workers, friends, colleagues and relatives run ahead to heaven, I can become anxious and a bit sad. To keep things in the cognitive realm, I go back to Eric Erickson and his stages of development. Most people will associate him with child development […]

The Tell Tale Tummy

bobcat digging up where picket fence and stone walkway once existed. The giant rock lay buried beneath

My tummy has been a gurgling unsettled mess for the last week. As I sat down to begin this blog my daughter Gracie came home from her morning coffee run. She is in the throes of acute bronchitis so in asking her how she was feeling we digressed into a conversation about my childhood experiences […]

Another October Friday the Thirteenth

Kenny and me in 2000 and how we are now in 2023

Twenty-Three years ago today, which is Friday October 13th, 2023 Kenny and I got married. It was one of the best days of my life at that time and remains as such still. It was a Friday the 13th in 2000 as well. There was a summer spell weather wise that year so that sunny […]

When The Sand Sings

Singing beach, Manchester MA

I needed an elective credit outside of my major my sophomore year at Boston University. I took a class called Coastal Environments with my teammate and fellow education major Marti. We thought it would be easy. I mean, what is so complex about the beach? Turns out quite a bit! The professor had us call […]

Everything Happens for a Reason

Caitlin and Dano in a Moab canyon (top) and a Wyoming field of Wildflowers

In my life since Molly died, I have been offered more advice, counsel, suggestions, support and sometimes criticism than I ever knew existed. I must say I am for the most part extremely grateful. There are times, however, when the words offered in the spirit of love are as sharp as the loss of Molly.  […]