So here we are, newly minted twelve-steppers! We’ve done it! All of those tiny steps (a thousand of them maybe) to get through just twelve of them in alcohol recovery!
Surely this time we will get a rest, surely, we can sit back comfortably on our laurels and just soak it in!
Surely…..
But no, this is not how it works. It goes something like this.
“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principals in all our affairs.”
See, the spiritual awakening is not enough, we actually have to share it, and then live by it!
This should actually be a condition of living life as a good person. Share what you learn in the spirit of helping others. Walk your talk. Spread joy and knowledge. The trouble with this is the knowledge holders can get all full of themselves and suddenly there is an ulterior motive behind the sharing.
Self-promotion.
This is where AA is genius. Throughout the process of navigating the twelve steps humility, service, and gratitude are as important as the steps themselves. There is no “I” in “Team” is the theme here.
Sobriety is a hard-earned gift for which we will continue to maintain and give thanks for.
If humanity could truly live this way, all manner fo people could get along.
I have been gullible my whole life. I want so very much to belong that I am quick to believe what people tell me, especially if I want their approval. This type of insecurity can lead me into some pretty unhealthy situations.
I could list their names here, but that might not be kind. (Oh heck, why not)
Jeff, Jill, Bruce, Jay, Norm, Gladys, Bob, Joe, Chuck, Chris, Gene, Steve, Chris, Aimee, Roy, Robyn, David, Mike, Campbell, Stephanie, Taylor, Eric, another Chris, Allison, Pam…
I could go on, but these names popped into my head quite easily. I was not a gullible seeker of acceptance with all of these people, but I did allow them to dictate my behavior and I continued believing and helping some of them long after I knew they were not being honest with me. I put them and their needs before me and mine.
(Boy does this segue perfectly into my next podcast season!)
It also leads easily into “Step 13”.
There is not an actual Step 13 but there IS a Chapter 13 in the book Breathing Underwater. It talks about suffering. It talks about how the processing of said suffering and the action of sharing it can create community.
It teaches that only those who have suffered can help those who are suffering. Richard Rohr talks about the suffering of Jesus to show that it is in HIS suffering that we can receive comfort from Him.
Hence the success with Alcoholics Anonymous and other groups like it. My grief groups have helped me stay alive since Molly died. While I have received love and support from most people in my life, it is my “angel moms” who keep me going.
Their suffering soothes me. I am not glad that they have suffered, but it is in their suffering that I know them and able to receive strength from them. One of my most profound memories from my time in AA is a story I heard.
Well, lots of them actually.
The people standing in front of a room full of strangers were not necessarily public speakers, or eloquent even. They were drunks. “from Yale to jail” Is how we described ourselves. Watching an uneducated poorly spoken terrified man stand up and tearfully share his worst moments was life changing.
If he can do it, then I can too.
I have to say, this 14-week process of reading, writing and talking about the twelve steps and spirituality has been equal parts wonderful and burdensome. I feel good about much of my life but overwhelmed at how little I feel I have grown. It is a hard place to be.
But it is where I am.