I saw a Facebook post the other day that rankled me.
I assumed, based on the person who posted it, that it was about me. And perhaps it was.
Then, I saw a post about just this sort of reaction, telling the reader to look in the mirror, because the post likely wasn’t about you, rather it brought something up in you.
(Did you get all that?)
So, here is the quote that I thought was (and am quite sure is) about me, given my podcast and this blog and all the Facebook lives I do.
“Being someone who doesn’t like to hear the sound of her voice on recordings or singing, I find it puzzling that some need to hear themselves constantly. 
”
I had a falling out with a long-time friend.
I am not writing about the details of that today, so much as the emotions and beliefs that go into the creation of these posts and the reactions of the people who read them. The nature and context of this kind of expression is a significant downfall of social media that can paradoxically provide great opportunities for learning and growth.
For me, this quote says to me, “Be Quiet Barbara”. “Stop Talking” “You must be so full of yourself”. So, I will own this. This is where I will look inward to measure the truth of these perceptions.
For the poster of the quote, and what, in my mind, it says about them I will look outward.
This situation brings up a reel I posted on my Instagram about The Patriarchy. In this reel all manner of oppression of women, described as a boot on the throat, is ascribed to the patriarchy. Men against women. Oppressor against the oppressed. There are then examples of all manner of people and what their actions mean.
While there is a lot of truth in patriarchal thinking, a much bigger issue with it, in my very matriarchal opinion, is how willing many women are to live according to the patriarchy and its assumptions.
Female misogyny is alive and well, and it shows itself with women silencing other women. Holding patriarchal views over their female friends and then criticizing them for not following the views. In their blindness to these oppressing views actually being oppressive, just believing them, or being manipulated into thinking they are, in fact, matriarchal or feminist, these women promote and support patriarchal behaviors insidiously well.
I am not a man hater. Hating the man doesn’t solve everything. It is about hating the behavior. There is a lot about the patriarchy that tells women to be quiet. To listen politely and accept what they hear as valid. That the problem isn’t the patriarchy, but rather the woman’s view of it.
The problem isn’t the boot on the throat, it is that you are complaining about the boot on the throat.
So how does this relate to my former friend, and 2025, and the patriarchy? It is a loose but powerful connection so bear with me.
A major personality trait of this person is their willingness to rant and yell and rage. All in all, I feel that this is a good thing. Holding those feelings in can be unhealthy. I always know what is going on with them, or at least what they are raging about.
However, (and this is a big however), they are unwilling on any level to spend even one minute listening to the rages of others. Over the years I have experienced this behavior many times. It has been friendship interrupting several times. We somehow reconnect and things are ok for a while until it happens again.
While this, in and of itself is not great, the hard part for me, you know, the one who loves to hear herself talk is that there is no resolution available. Nothing to talk through in order to repair. When this person is done, they are done.
Complete unwillingness to see the other side.
That is the patriarchal connection, that narcissistic dude behavior that screams Roy Frazel. Here is the 2025 connection.
I have unregistered myself from the democratic party. While I still hold many left-leaning views and beliefs, I can not longer stand the behaviors from many in my former political party. Many democratic initiatives are anti patriarchy, or seemingly so. But there is no longer room to have independent thoughts.
Example: “Silencing people and slandering young people is wrong.” Using young people to push a political message is wrong” (This from my democratic friends.) Shortly thereafter, a Republican State Congress Person is silenced and reprimanded by their state legislature. They cannot vote or speak on the senate floor. The reason for this censure? Posting a picture of a young person online to promote political belief.
This censorship is celebrated by many democrats online. Had this been a censured democrat the outcry would be deafening. Another example is all of the democrats remaining in their seats during the State of the Union. The Republicans are furious. All one has to do is go back to any State of the Union Address and watch them remain seated. Some of then even yelled “Shut up” and “Liar” during a former president’s speech.
All of this is like recess duty at an elementary or middle school. We want other people punished and silenced and shamed so we can do exactly what they are doing. Silencing and ignoring and yelling is only bad if it disagrees with your agenda.
These things eat at me. I can get 50 compliments on a shirt and the one criticism will cause me to never wear that shirt again. I lose sleep over the mean words of awful people. Situations like the one with my former friend and all the political chaos really get under my skin.
I think I need a “turtle shell” to ward off the mosquitoes that buzz around in their self-importance. There are people who help, and people who hurt. As Mr. Rogers would say, “find the helpers”.
It is apparently time to stream Mr. Rogers, and maybe Sesame Street and The Electric Company followed by Zoom!