A THOUSAND TINY STEPS

I’ll have the End of June With a Side of July Please!

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Jack sitting on Gracie's lap on porch chair, both smiling
Gracie and Jack sitting on the front porch.

It has been a while since I wrote a blog. 

Or did a Facebook live. 

Or created a social media post. 

This happens to me sometimes. I sail along all organized and consistent and then slowly fall off the wagon of efficiency and productivity.  I am not sure why this happens, bit it is a recurring theme so I may want to look into it. 

Maybe later.

It is almost July. This has been my “new year” for awhile now. When life sends you a big massive trauma, your relationship to time is forever altered. Molly died in the month of May. So that is the sort of the apex of the year for me now. In 2016 when she died May and June were massively out of control. By July life had settled down a bit and reality was setting in. The “putting one foot in front of the other” aspect of life had begun.

Grief is alarmingly similar.

Each March the ticking begins. March leads to April, a month rife with birthdays and other significant dates. April then falls into May with all of its horror. There is celebration there as well. But it is Molly we are celebrating and she wasn’t (and isn’t) there. June is the collective relief month. The hangover, the “sleep it off” time.  Leading us into….

“Let’s start over” July!

Track Camp is done, the first MollyB Gala is done, so I can begin to plan ahead. Our kitchen is almost done, our yard is halfway done, so our house remains chaotic. Pikes of stuff with no home in bins until the kitchen is complete. Piles of dirt in our sun splashed yard. No fence, a plethora of crabgrass until the new grows in, dug up bushes in a pile, no privacy. Relaxing is tricky.

We have been living in limbo like this since October. I am ready for it to stop. I have circled the airport long enough; I am ready to land. 

There was a time I would use this reality as an excuse for not accomplishing things. My now well-known knack for self-sabotage. While this remains a battle for me, I have begun the process of self-improvement. Here I sit, on a sunny Friday writing my first blog post for the month of June. It is the 29th of the month but who’s counting. 

I am writing the blog!

School board and my upcoming podcast season will likely make the next few blogs a bit easier to write. I will just leave that there. I have a lot to say. I do have some goals that I will put out there. Some B-HAGs. That’s an acronym for Big Hairy Audacious Goal. Added recently to my reading list is Built to Last by Jim Collins. Be on the look out for a podcast episode or blog or live about this.

July is coming, I am soon to be on a roll! 

I am also pondering. 

As I move through this thing called life, I contemplate what to do next and or where to go. School Board is on the potential chopping block. It brings me little joy now. It is unhealthy and extremely biased. The board does not reflect our community. I also want to begin to monetize my podcast, so I need more mental focus available. (But this is a BHAG so more later).

I am off to take a nap. I don’t feel well, some vertigo (ugh). I am ready to sleep, perhaps I will dream of great things.

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