We all have our yucks and our yums.
This is an important part of child development. Growing up and figuring out who you are, what you like and don’t like. Many of these preferences have been with us for our whole lives. Mike, the instructor of my hot yoga class this morning was talking to us as we lay on our backs recovering from whatever difficult (for me) pose we had just completed. I thought for a moment about how simple yet eloquent this description of personality development was.
He then went on to talk about how we tend to tell our children “No” a lot. We create lists of things they (and we) cannot or should not do. “No running” at the local pool. We describe our days by what we did not accomplish or what we did not complete. “I didn’t do half the things on my list!” His words faded here and I sank deeply into my head. (I do not often allow myself to do this).
I focus on all I have not yet done all the time.
I have written recently about how angry I am. I have also spent a lot of time actively trying to NOT be angry. I have thought a lot about why I am angry and how I can fix what makes me this way. My mind went back to Monday. My perfectly planned and orchestrated day fell completely apart when Kenny informed me the solar people were coming. At days end I had not done any of the things I had planned on doing.
Fuck it!
I say this a lot as I feel immense pressure to do it all. I was so upset I was going to forgo my “Jack Jack Tuesday” trip to Amesbury to try and get caught up. I thought better of it and decided I needed a day that was simply fun. If I cannot succeed even though I am working my ass off then I can spend a day having fun. At the end of the day the same amount of work will be done…none!
Jack did not disappoint.
We drove to Amesbury. Jack slept and I listened to my just released podcast. There was a sweet parking spot right in front of the gym. As I tuned off the car Jack woke up in a terrific mood. We went in and joined a gym full of Moms, Dads and littles. Jack had a blast! I got a great workout in. Everyone was happy. As we were getting ready to leave Coach Emmy began to do the workout on her own.
Jack was intrigued.
He loves Emmy. He went right up to her. I pulled him back. As I was loading the car, I noticed he was doing the workout with her. Movement for movement. It was precious! He did his hollow rocks and he ran his shuttle run right along side Coach Emmy.
Once we were in the car Jack set about eating popcorn. He loves it! We headed to Portsmouth to visit Taylor. She owns a greenhouse there called Flowers by Nest. The energy in this place is wonderful. I met Taylor in Amesbury in 2019. We clicked immediately. She was one of the first people I told about my pregnancy. She also battles some pretty significant health issues.
Taylor is a badass.
I told Jack we were visiting Tay Tay! He said Taylor and Tay Tay several times as we drove into the parking lot. Jack and Taylor fell in love with each other immediately. We spent the bulk of the visit in the greenhouse. Jack looked at everything. Plants, flowers, statues, baskets, dirt, all of it! I have several cute videos that I have watched again and again. Taylor clearly loved watching him. She is a boy mom and it was easy to see this as she watched Jack be the toddler that he is.
I felt happy.
We rode home and Jack fell asleep. I listened to my Kessler grief lesson. I was relaxed. I was in love, with that yummy bundle of pudge in the car seat and what life can be like with him. When we arrived home, I went to the gym and coached two classes. Another spell of unabashed joy.
I simply felt good.
Back to Mike the yoga instructor talking away to us while we rested. I thought of this day. He was telling us that when we are young everything is equal in our eyes. It is all new and thus all worthy of exploration. We haven’t yet decided our yucks and yums. Everything Jack did on Tuesday illustrated this. He was equally enthralled with working out and touching dirt.
The world was his oyster!
I have been a reluctant yoga participant. As I enter my third week of practice, I notice that the very things I espouse to hate are working magic in my brain. (Not in my hamstrings yet but I imagine that will come.) For a whole hour I do not talk. I do not have my phone with me and I don’t miss it. Yes, Mike’s incessant chatter makes it easier for me to simply listen but I am actually do just that, simply listening! Who woulda thunk it!