Molly’s birthday will always be a tough time for me and although I can remember the good times, it doesn’t take away the bad. This episode made me ponder Jack growing up in a grief stricken home, the age difference between his siblings, and how...
As I look to the next chapter of my healing, I am working on confronting my trauma and coping from it. Being self aware and mindful of my relationships with others has been a struggle, but learning how to utilize gratitude and create room for trauma...
When I read that grief has been classified as Prolonged Grief Disorder, I had mixed feelings. I’m happy to see that more people can have access to treatment, but why does everything need a label? Grief will forever be a part of my life, it’s not a...
Trauma has impacted my relationships with others throughout my entire life. From getting fired from multiple jobs to creating relationships with abusive people it has shook me to my core. After Molly’s death, it became even more difficult with the...
I often feel like I’m living a parallel life with the different faces I put on for different people. This week I especially felt that when I went to film a commercial for a hospital. I spent an amazing week in Utah telling my story about having Jack...
The burden of hiding my grief to not make others uncomfortable is large. It is lonely in my grief with everyone wanting the “old Barb” back, but that won't happen. My grief has changed me and that causes people to drift away. In this episode, I...
I really made a breakthrough with understanding my self sabotaging behavior and healing the trauma versus the situation. In this episode, I dive into why I sabotage myself when organizing my life, how culture affects how trauma is seen, and the...
Hindsight is a funny thing. Looking back on Facebook memories with Roy, my daughter’s health leading up to her death, and all the other choices made leave me in a tailspin. In this episode, I look into the trauma I’ve experienced and how I...
I never expected to start running track and field in high school with severe asthma. When I began running, I discovered I was great at it and went on to break records. Through the ups and downs, running helped me to solidify my identity, feel...
CrossFit has helped me physically and mentally through my job loss and Molly’s death. Times were tough: being on food stamps, my house almost being put up for auction, and getting divorced all rolled into one. Through it all I had exercise which...
My job loss took a major hit to my confidence and it caused me to struggle to support my family through tough times. I struggled to stay present and practice mindfulness during these difficult times. In this episode, I explore what brought me to my...
I have been reading so many wonderful books to learn more abuse, relationships, and illness within the body. These books have allowed me to examine my own actions and shame that comes with being abused. In this episode, I explore my actions that lead...
Throughout my research on grief and trauma I have learned so much about the connection between the mind and body and how grief affects them, while discussing my own experiences of EMDR therapy and having my brain tumors taken out. In this episode, I...
Although I have gone through tremendous grief, I have a large support system to help me through it. From online support groups to connecting with other mothers in grief and reconnecting with high school friends, my social network has cast far and...
As a result of trauma, boundaries have been a lifelong struggle for me. From my friendship with Robin, my friendship with Steph, and my job loss at Bow boundary crossing has followed me. I explore these 3 events in my life and how trauma has affected...
My daughters have been dancing in the Christmas Show even since they were little. When Molly died traditions in my household changed and I began to see things differently. From starting to raffle off a basket full of things Molly loved, to fundraising...
Hanging on to the physical things our loved ones leave behind in grief is an odd subject. For a long time I couldn’t get rid of, or move anything of Molly’s. When I finally started to get rid of or donate items, it was a difficult journey. In this...
Molly loved the holidays, and learning to live without her for them has been crushing. Over the past 5 years I’ve tried to distract myself and my family by going to Disney for Christmas, or helping others. The feeling of losing holidays as they used...
In 2016, I felt paralyzed by grief. In between it all I found an attorney, helped my daughter through her grief, and talked to others in my grief groups. When 2017 rolled around, I started working again while juggling a million things on my plate. It...
Planning Molly’s funeral and memorial was a difficult task while I kept my head above water. It was a whirlwind of 2 quick weeks where I made tough emotional decisions on what her funeral and musical would be like. Through it all, I had amazing...