It was my wedding day. I had a 13-week-old Gracie in my belly and 36...
When I put my table together in my mind, I realize something. Most of the...
I went to Manhattan to deliver 3 cats to the airport and as usual -...
The Old Barb and the New Barb are different. I am still the same person,...
Poetry helped shape me. It has changed meaning as I have gone through the seasons...
Family can mean so many different things, but as my daughter returns home after leaving...
May is doing what everything does in the grieving process, it is morphing and changing...
I am taking numerous foods out of my diet to figure out how my body works. As I do that, the month of June is taking on a new meaning for me: track camp and the MollyB Foundation. I am working hard to grow the foundation and for it to have a legacy...
Episode 97: Eating Disorders and Imposter Syndrome with Libby
My first guest, Libby, came on to talk about her mental health, eating disorder, and being an athlete. Libby chats about the struggles of transitioning into college, recovering from her eating disorder, and learning to value her accomplishments. ...
On the 4th of July, I think about my memories with Molly and what kind of future I’ll help create for Jack. I have been doing deep work with my anger, self sabotage, and this idea that I need an escape plan. Putting all my eggs in one basket makes...
When I think of community I think of how it’s evolved over time and wanting to fit in. My religious, financial, sports community and more have all been redefined even in the past decade. These social issues make me ponder how to be the best mother I...
Working at VLACS, an online middle and high school has been amazing. It has given me flexibility and I’ve been able to connect with students in a way I never could have in public school. But I am hopeful as I start my new journey launching a book...
As I hit the 8 year mark of Molly being gone, I think upon her legacy and what I’m doing with the MollyB Foundation to honor her. I have fundraised, supported the arts, and given scholarships to children in her honor. All of this work has helped me...
As Memorial Day is upon us, it made me think back to the CrossFit workouts I’ve done in honor of people that have died. That’s what I love about CrossFit. It is not just a workout, it’s about community and supporting one another. In this...
As I wade through death week, I reflect on my grief, how it’s changed and what’s next for the podcast. The podcast has allowed me to work on healing myself and now it’s also going to be a space for other people to share their stories. If you...
I have been working to find gratitude in everything I do, even when life feels terrible. Finding the good in tragedy has always been something I’m good at and I’m only trying to do that more everyday. In this episode, I contemplate how my life...
In this episode, I look back on the podcast interviews I’ve had and the amazing people I’ve met along the way in my grief journey. It’s interesting to see what people remain and the ones who do not as I grieve. I think the most important thing...
As my relationship with Roy ended I mourned that I never received closure from it. I sometimes saw him as a thorny lifeline. I saw the women he dated throughout the years and maintained contact with him until another restraining order came into the...
After Molly’s death I was a disastrous mess. I was struggling with alcohol and drugs and at the same time dealing with the lawsuit. I had to deal with Roy moving on, dating someone new, and the different realities that he seemed to present to...
My life was falling into chaos as I fell deeper into a convoluted relationship with Doug, was on and off again with Roy, and reconnected with Robin. I worked crazy hours, missed events, and was deeply wrapped up in these relationships. While all this...
In the time leading up to Molly's death, I had a tumultuous relationship with Roy that was on again, off again. This created chaos in my life as I was finally becoming financially stable, finding hobbies I enjoyed, and trying to give my daughters a...
In 2011, I was working a million jobs just trying to pay the mortgage and keep busy. I was spending time with Roy where I could and a lot of our time spent together was spent dealing with court hearings. As that was going on I started CrossFit, our...
I attract people with narcissistic tendencies like flies. All my relationships have common themes in them and follow me everywhere: my romantic relationships, my jobs, the school board. These relationships heavily impacted my life as I dealt with...
Between July to November of 2010 I was constantly called into meetings for misbehavior in my job and was suspended. I never went back to teaching. Constantly being harassed, freezing at all the wrong moments, and dealing with a complex relationship...
As my life financially kept getting worse, I began a relationship with Roy. Itt had amazing times, but was also filled with gaslighting and love bombing. I debated leaving my marriage, thinking about my kids, and how my life could have alternatively...
As I started my sabbatical professionally things were going great. I connected with the children and created a curriculum that I was proud of. My relationship with Amy and her family was dwindling, when Roy came back into the picture and it turned my...
My first 2 years of my friendship with Amy were a gift, but I didn’t know how it would change the trajectory of my life. We truly did click as friends as our friendship was largely centered around motherhood. But our communication styles and how we...