In 2011, I was working a million jobs just trying to pay the mortgage and keep busy. I was spending time with Roy where I could and a lot of our time spent together was spent dealing with court hearings. As that was going on I started CrossFit, our...
I attract people with narcissistic tendencies like flies. All my relationships have common themes in them and follow me everywhere: my romantic relationships, my jobs, the school board. These relationships heavily impacted my life as I dealt with...
Losing my job was devastating and I had to pick up my life piece by piece. I worked a million jobs, spent tons of time with my daughters, and navigated a tricky relationship. I was left with many feelings when I felt like no one in my life supported...
Between July to November of 2010 I was constantly called into meetings for misbehavior in my job and was suspended. I never went back to teaching. Constantly being harassed, freezing at all the wrong moments, and dealing with a complex relationship...
As my life financially kept getting worse, I began a relationship with Roy. Itt had amazing times, but was also filled with gaslighting and love bombing. I debated leaving my marriage, thinking about my kids, and how my life could have alternatively...
As I started my sabbatical professionally things were going great. I connected with the children and created a curriculum that I was proud of. My relationship with Amy and her family was dwindling, when Roy came back into the picture and it turned my...
The tension was starting to become overwhelming when a restraining order came into play. Amy and I both pulled away from our friendship and I had our children separated in class. The stress permeated every aspect of my life as the situation became...
As the situation with Amy escalated and I tried to step back, my life felt like it was a dumpster on fire. My household finances were a mess and I was constantly being pulled into 50 different directions. As I learned more about the situation, I felt...
My first 2 years of my friendship with Amy were a gift, but I didn’t know how it would change the trajectory of my life. We truly did click as friends as our friendship was largely centered around motherhood. But our communication styles and how we...
It started with a note in a backpack and ended with a bucketload of complex emotions. The summer of 2005 to the summer of 2007 was a relatively normal time, but it would end in disaster because of a new friend I made. There were red flags everywhere,...
When I was younger, New Year’s Eve was a time to play outside and eat a lot with friends. As I grew older, it was a holiday synonymous with alcohol. My friends and I would go to parties, stay up all night, and get blackout drunk. When I became a mom...
The holidays are time markers and they remind me of what I’ve lost. They also remind me of all the expectations society has around holidays and the hypocrisy of it all. After losing Molly it was too difficult to celebrate the holidays. Now that I...
Sexual abuse has impacted me in many ways: issues with overgiving, boundaries, people pleasing, shame, and intimacy have followed me in my life. I have suffered in physical pain to ignore emotional discomfort with these emotions. This has shown me...
I really, really struggle with self sabotage in every aspect of my life. From relationships, to not following through on things, to recreating trauma. It is an endless battle. I am working to better myself by being introspective and examining why I...
After my daughter’s death I began to truly feel my age sink in. I gained weight, had trauma induced menopause, and body dysmorphia. I struggled and not only lost my daughter, but lost many people I cared for in life. Nothing was the same and trying...
Intergenerational trauma is something that has plagued my family and I’m trying to change it, but it feels like a burden to bear. Growing up, having to keep secrets and not having my basic needs met has made me evaluate how that’s impacted my...
I was sexually abused as a child and it still impacts me at almost 60 years old. It took me a long time to be able to tell this story and to look back at the psychological impact that these terrible experiences had on me. It was a confusing time where...
Elementary school and the 60s feels like the last time I felt okay before I began 4th grade. My mom was a young mom, my dad worked all day, and I spent my summers outside at the public pool. When school was in session I dealt with sexist teachers and...
Episode 62: Trauma Showing up in Patterns
Trying to find my way in the workplace was not an easy task for me. Dealing with coworkers and bosses who didn’t like me while trying to manage my life behind the scenes made my head spin. In this episode, I discuss how trauma impacted my...
In the years of ‘86 and ‘87, it was a tumultuous time. I was blessed to go to 4 different countries and get my first teaching job, but I heavily struggled with drugs and alcohol. At the same time, I was in a relationship with a man twice my age...