When I put my table together in my mind, I realize something. Most of the...
The Old Barb and the New Barb are different. I am still the same person,...
Poetry helped shape me. It has changed meaning as I have gone through the seasons...
Crying is an emotional release that has so many mixed feelings surrounding it. Growing up, I was admonished for crying and that hasn’t changed in adulthood. As a woman I’m often seen as too emotional for crying and I make people uncomfortable....
As I find out more about the energy within my body I am compelled to better myself through my diet and exercise. While I look inward, I also look at the past to see how the people around me have grown and changed. Processing these emotions has been...
Helicopter parenting has become a buzzword that everybody is talking about and I am one of them. Sort of. I let my baby go to daycare when I never let my older children out of sight with someone I didn’t know, but as the world has changed so have I....
When I was younger, I didn’t imagine my life going like this. Losing Molly, having Jack, letting go of expectations, and having to find closure has had its struggles. As I ponder on how my life is different from what I expected, I also have...
Roe vs. Wade and Molly’s death week happening at the same time sent me into an anxious fury this week. The politics happening in America made me ponder the values I’m instilling in Jack and how that will impact him. In this episode, I dive into...
My family and the support I have has changed significantly compared to 20 years ago. It’s caused me to examine my choices, take ownership for them, and acknowledge my trauma. In this episode, I look to the past and the future to see how trauma has...
The internet is a beautiful tool that has helped me find the answers to any questions I have, but it has also dampened executive functioning in kids. Not only is the internet a double-edged sword, but the tools parents use today are too. From the...
As I’ve grown older as a parent, I’ve also gained so much perspective on life. There are so many differences between raising Jack versus Gracie and Molly from childcare arrangements, breastfeeding, and the relationships around me changing. In this...
My daily life with Jack is very different than with Gracie and Molly. When Gracie and Molly were young we were paying a mortgage and working full-time. Now I have more freedom to spend time with Jack and travel. In this episode, I dive into my day to...
Molly’s birthday will always be a tough time for me and although I can remember the good times, it doesn’t take away the bad. This episode made me ponder Jack growing up in a grief stricken home, the age difference between his siblings, and how...
As I look to the next chapter of my healing, I am working on confronting my trauma and coping from it. Being self aware and mindful of my relationships with others has been a struggle, but learning how to utilize gratitude and create room for trauma...
When I read that grief has been classified as Prolonged Grief Disorder, I had mixed feelings. I’m happy to see that more people can have access to treatment, but why does everything need a label? Grief will forever be a part of my life, it’s not a...
Trauma has impacted my relationships with others throughout my entire life. From getting fired from multiple jobs to creating relationships with abusive people it has shook me to my core. After Molly’s death, it became even more difficult with the...
I often feel like I’m living a parallel life with the different faces I put on for different people. This week I especially felt that when I went to film a commercial for a hospital. I spent an amazing week in Utah telling my story about having Jack...
The burden of hiding my grief to not make others uncomfortable is large. It is lonely in my grief with everyone wanting the “old Barb” back, but that won't happen. My grief has changed me and that causes people to drift away. In this episode, I...
I really made a breakthrough with understanding my self sabotaging behavior and healing the trauma versus the situation. In this episode, I dive into why I sabotage myself when organizing my life, how culture affects how trauma is seen, and the...
Hindsight is a funny thing. Looking back on Facebook memories with Roy, my daughter’s health leading up to her death, and all the other choices made leave me in a tailspin. In this episode, I look into the trauma I’ve experienced and how I...
I never expected to start running track and field in high school with severe asthma. When I began running, I discovered I was great at it and went on to break records. Through the ups and downs, running helped me to solidify my identity, feel...
CrossFit has helped me physically and mentally through my job loss and Molly’s death. Times were tough: being on food stamps, my house almost being put up for auction, and getting divorced all rolled into one. Through it all I had exercise which...
My job loss took a major hit to my confidence and it caused me to struggle to support my family through tough times. I struggled to stay present and practice mindfulness during these difficult times. In this episode, I explore what brought me to my...