Remembering the birth of Gracie and Molly has brought up raw emotion within me. I envisioned this white picket fence life: 2 kids, a loving husband, and a big house in a good neighborhood. That is not how life turned out in the slightest. Dealing with...
When Kenny and I met it was a time of chaos. We were both getting a divorce from our ex partners and trying to juggle the realities of adulthood. Our relationship was built on a solid friendship and I imagined what my life would entail, but that got...
After 11 weeks, I got married - to a narcissist. I didn’t recognize the signs: I was his third wife, younger than him, and he isolated me from family and friends. Marrying him was an impulsive choice accelerated by trauma bonds left unhealed. As I...
Going to my first AA meeting in the 90s was a positive step in recognizing I had an issue with alcohol. Throughout my life I’ve had an on and off relationship with alcohol that has been difficult to manage. As I recount my experiences from 30 years...
In the fall of 1989 I returned to Concord after almost 10 years in Boston. I needed a fresh start: to get sober, to get into a good relationship, to get out of debt, and to start my career as a teacher. In order to achieve all that, I turned down...
Crying is an emotional release that has so many mixed feelings surrounding it. Growing up, I was admonished for crying and that hasn’t changed in adulthood. As a woman I’m often seen as too emotional for crying and I make people uncomfortable....
As I find out more about the energy within my body I am compelled to better myself through my diet and exercise. While I look inward, I also look at the past to see how the people around me have grown and changed. Processing these emotions has been...
Helicopter parenting has become a buzzword that everybody is talking about and I am one of them. Sort of. I let my baby go to daycare when I never let my older children out of sight with someone I didn’t know, but as the world has changed so have I....
When I was younger, I didn’t imagine my life going like this. Losing Molly, having Jack, letting go of expectations, and having to find closure has had its struggles. As I ponder on how my life is different from what I expected, I also have...
Roe vs. Wade and Molly’s death week happening at the same time sent me into an anxious fury this week. The politics happening in America made me ponder the values I’m instilling in Jack and how that will impact him. In this episode, I dive into...
My family and the support I have has changed significantly compared to 20 years ago. It’s caused me to examine my choices, take ownership for them, and acknowledge my trauma. In this episode, I look to the past and the future to see how trauma has...
The internet is a beautiful tool that has helped me find the answers to any questions I have, but it has also dampened executive functioning in kids. Not only is the internet a double-edged sword, but the tools parents use today are too. From the...
As I’ve grown older as a parent, I’ve also gained so much perspective on life. There are so many differences between raising Jack versus Gracie and Molly from childcare arrangements, breastfeeding, and the relationships around me changing. In this...
My daily life with Jack is very different than with Gracie and Molly. When Gracie and Molly were young we were paying a mortgage and working full-time. Now I have more freedom to spend time with Jack and travel. In this episode, I dive into my day to...
Molly’s birthday will always be a tough time for me and although I can remember the good times, it doesn’t take away the bad. This episode made me ponder Jack growing up in a grief stricken home, the age difference between his siblings, and how...
As I look to the next chapter of my healing, I am working on confronting my trauma and coping from it. Being self aware and mindful of my relationships with others has been a struggle, but learning how to utilize gratitude and create room for trauma...
When I read that grief has been classified as Prolonged Grief Disorder, I had mixed feelings. I’m happy to see that more people can have access to treatment, but why does everything need a label? Grief will forever be a part of my life, it’s not a...
Trauma has impacted my relationships with others throughout my entire life. From getting fired from multiple jobs to creating relationships with abusive people it has shook me to my core. After Molly’s death, it became even more difficult with the...
I often feel like I’m living a parallel life with the different faces I put on for different people. This week I especially felt that when I went to film a commercial for a hospital. I spent an amazing week in Utah telling my story about having Jack...
The burden of hiding my grief to not make others uncomfortable is large. It is lonely in my grief with everyone wanting the “old Barb” back, but that won't happen. My grief has changed me and that causes people to drift away. In this episode, I...